On the first day, God created the dog and said:
"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.

i think that joke was posted once already, ill have to look into the other joke thread. see what deleted accounts is messing it up.

I never even set foot in that last joke thread. So come the day I post a joke that's been posted before, don't be all, "REPOST!". You've been warned.

Alabama/Auburn joke (this is for Ajax):

There was a truck driver who was a devout Alabama football fan. His truck was completely decorated with big crimson A's. He hated Auburn so much that anytime he would find himself passing a pedestrian wearing Auburn logos, he would swerve his big 18-wheeler over and run them over. Laughing all the way.

Well he had been on a hot streak as the Auburn team had done well so far this season (for years you couldn't find an Auburn fan in AL, unless they were actual graduates), and they had broken out their old hats and sweatshirts. Occasionally one of the tractors they were driving down the highway would break down and they'd be hitting the road for gas. After a particular productive week of hit and runs, he was driving and saw a little old lady on the side of the road. He felt sorry for her and as she was wearing her trusty Alabama sweatshirt, he felt it his duty to give her a ride.

It was dark and in the middle of the trip, the truck driver thought he saw a car with an Auburn flag hanging out the back. He knew up ahead he was sure to encounter his prey. He was totally at a loss as to how he would pull off his hit and run with the little old lady there as a witness.

AHA! He decided to pretend to doze off and swerve at the last moment. He waited until he saw the Auburn guy walking toward the gas station on the side of the road, and at the last second pretended to fall asleep swerving to the right, tires screeching, to hit the unsuspecting redneck. After they passed and he had heard a thump, he acted as if he were startled back to an alert status.

Trucker: "Hey did I just hit that guy?"




Little old lady: "Nope! But I got that Auburn bastage with the door!"


J

Well, the old thread is locked. And no one wants to sort through 16 pages of posts to verify. So if you have a joke, put it here anyway and don't fear the flame "already been posted" crap. Lets just declare this a new thread to hopefully revive the daily comedy concept.

And it doesn't have to be jokes. Funny pictures (whore, you've posted a lot of them) are also welcome for a good chuckle. That's not to say I want people to repost stuff they know is in the old thread, but don't worry if it is...

once a mother was cooking her daughter came and asked her, "mom what must i do if a guy puts his hands in my bra" the mother said to tell the man "Donot" then the girl asked "wat if a guy puts his hand in my panty" then the mother said to tell the man "stop"

After a week the girl goes to a party and comes home so the mother asks how it was the girl says. "mom a guy put his hand in my bra and my panty so i told him DON'T STOP."

I'm suddenly reminded of Pete's mother. Hmm.

oooooooooh, burrnnnnn lol xP

i dont have any jokes right now, but those are pretty good xP