STEVOOO420 wrote: › Does it have a "GO FUCK YOURSELF U FUCKING HAXOR" button? :)

:lol:
That would be sweet. I'll have to suggest that one to them.

ok, some of the starter jokes were old ones i heard before. But the cow one was most hilarious. I am surprised stevO didnt chime in that he was the young man in the story, since he claims be hung better then a horse.

Why is it that out of 99.9% of your posts,I am always getting mentioned Nort?HMMMMM......i'm starting to get worried now. :wink:

cause you is the post whore. so i know you will be checking posts to see when you getting put down!

Nort wrote: › ok, some of the starter jokes were old ones i heard before. But the cow one was most hilarious. I am surprised stevO didnt chime in that he was the young man in the story, since he claims be hung better then a horse.

Technically, they're all pretty old jokes - I'm ripping them from a joke website I created back in like 1997, that is still persisting out on Tripod. But some of the younger peops might appreciate them.

I've got a ton of stuff in my Outlook e-mail box that I've gotten over the years that I'd love to post here, except I don't have enough bandwidth anywhere to host most of it. It's some funny shit though.

Okay - those of you who are under 18, do not read this joke. It's bad. Oh wait, it's okay, as long as you don't read the title and your head isn't in the gutter.
-BECK

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Ingredients:
2 x Laughing eyes
2 x Well shaped legs
2 x Loving arms
2 x Firm milk containers


2 x Nuts
1 x Fur lined mixing bowl
1 x firm banana


Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes .

2. Spread well shaped legs with loving arms.

3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until fur lined mixing bowl is well greased, check regularly with finger.

4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. (for best results, continue to knead milk containers).

5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably not over night).

6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:

1. If in unfamiliar kitchen, wash carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises leave town !!!!!!

"If cake rises leave town!!!!!" :lol: :lol:

STEVOOO420 wrote: › "If cake rises leave town!!!!!" :lol: :lol:

Dude - that joke was so bad I almost didn't post it.

Yeah I can tell.....I pretty much highlighted the best part of that joke.

Nice jokes beck couldnot have found one better my self

Have you found this dialog?
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Nice one madeintheusa. Say my regardes to yr father for he is the real hero of this joke. (i am just joking)


{Or may i} :twisted: :twisted:

[center:0ebedc1122]A Little Head???[/center:0ebedc1122]


A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

:lol: :lol: - funny

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A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and his ticket home. If he could just get to the airport, he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc., but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab.

So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.


One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well whom should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could get his revenge. He got into the first cab in the line. "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked. "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me oral sex on the way?" "What? Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same results.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said ok, and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and a thumbs up sign to each driver.

A woman hired a contractor to repaint her house interior. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color." The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked over to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He closed the window and continued to follow the woman to the next room. The woman looking confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted light rose. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!" Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up; out my window everytime I tell you the color I would like my room?" The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."