Instruments of War :: Official site for the Enemy Territory clan Instruments of War

Instruments of War ComedyJoke of the day - **MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT CONTENT**

Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 11, 12, 13, 14 Next :| |:

#166: another one Author: OmegaBlade,

You have posted in this forum: Fri Jul 21, 2006 5:51 am

A young child walked upto her mother and stared at her hair. As the mother scrubbed the dishes the girl cleared her throat and sweetly asked, "Why do u have some grey strands in your hair?" The mother pause and looked at her daughter, "Every time u disobey me, i get one strand of grey hair. If u want me to stay pretty, u had beeter obey me." Saying that the mother quickly returned to her task of washing the dishes. The little girl stood there thinking. She cleared her throat again, and sweetly asked, "Mother, why is grandma's hair all grey?"

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't chicken.

#167: Author: Nort,

You have posted in this forum: Tue Jul 25, 2006 3:44 pm

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

* * * * * * * * *

#168: Author: Tangik,

You have posted in this forum: Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:22 pm

Good joke Nortie.

#169: Author: Karnivore,

You have posted in this forum: Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:34 pm

LOL, through that whole thing it seemed drawn out and lame, but you pulled through at the end Nortie! Good joke!

#170: that was good Author: OmegaBlade,

You have posted in this forum: Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:26 pm

Nort that was good........ AM still laughing.. Wel i am not but i need to encourage beginners. JOKING Razz

#171: parents like Author: OmegaBlade,

You have posted in this forum: Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:42 pm

A man comes home from work and find wife screwing his cousine in the closet.
Wat the hell are you doing?! the man asks. Im riding a bus, his cousine replies.
That's a stupid thing to say!
Thats a stupid thing to ask!

#172: Author: PistolPete,

You have posted in this forum: Thu Jul 27, 2006 1:26 am

Quizzle wrote: › There are four types of a women's orgasm

1. Postive Orgasm-------- Oh Yes! Oh Yes!
2. Negative Orgasm------ Oh No! Oh No!
3. Religious Orgasm------ Oh God! Oh God!
4. Fake Orgasm----------- Oh PistolPete! Oh PistolPete!

:]

dick

#173: Author: PistolPete,

You have posted in this forum: Thu Jul 27, 2006 1:28 am

lmao good one nort

#174: Author: StEVoNuB420,

You have posted in this forum: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:50 am

A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

#175: Author: BECK,

You have posted in this forum: Thu Jul 27, 2006 12:03 pm

StEVoNuB420 wrote: › A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

ROTFLMAO!!!!!! Laughing

Nice one bro!

#176: Author: Nort,

You have posted in this forum: Thu Jul 27, 2006 12:43 pm

ohh yes, that one definetly is a good one. this joke thread keeps is great for my partying. whenver i need ammunition before a night out, i just look at this thread!

#177: Author: Tangik,

You have posted in this forum: Thu Aug 17, 2006 11:08 pm

BUENOS DIAS!!!

JOU HAVE YUST RECEIBED A MEHICAN BYRUS.

SIN WE NO HABE SO GOOD TECHNIOLOGICALLY ADBANCE IN MEHICO, DEES IS A MANUAL BYRUS.

PLEESE DELETE ALL JOUR FILES ON JOUR HARD-DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND THEES E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU KNOW.

TANK JOU FOR HALPING ME.

JULIO MANUEL JOSE RODRIGUEZ-GARCIA----MEHICAN HACKER

#178: Author: BECK,

You have posted in this forum: Tue Aug 22, 2006 1:52 pm

Haven't posted any jokes in FOREVER....so:

======================
Top 5 Smartass Responses of 2006
========================

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check

tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he

opened his trench coat and flashed at her.

Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not

your stub."

*****************

Smart Ass Answer #4:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,

but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a

stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

*******************

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding

rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way

without a ticket.

*******************

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that

reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right

ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up

for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks

to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got

stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out

of gas."

*******************

#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006.......................

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here

tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal

injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it

, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete

and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter

and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the

student, shaking her head, and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have

to write the exam with your other hand."

#179: nice one Author: OmegaBlade,

You have posted in this forum: Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:15 pm

Real nice one beck. Laughing

#180: Author: chic,

You have posted in this forum: Wed Aug 23, 2006 4:57 am

I ve read this already..Hmmm. I forgot where and when. nvm. Good joke!

Instruments of War ComedyJoke of the day - **MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT CONTENT**

Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 11, 12, 13, 14 Next :| |:

Generated using printer-friendly.
All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 12 of 14

[Page generation time: 0.7214s (PHP: 37% | SQL: 63%) | SQL queries: 84 | GZIP disabled | Debug on]